Do You Feel Disconnected In Your Relationship or Marriage?
Are you and your partner or spouse engaging in power struggles?
Have life stressors or disagreements over things like the children or finances caused you to bump heads leading to poor communication?
Do you feel you are leading two separate lives?
Has infidelity on one or both of your parts become an issue?
Do you wish you could wave a magic wand and go back to your ‘honeymoon’ period?
It can stressful, depressing and isolating when you are in a disconnected relationship or marriage. The almost addictive quality of new romantic love can last for over 1 year, but partners and the relationship itself may evolve over time.
As dynamics begin to shift in the relationship and couples begin to fear their primary need to attach to a significant other won’t be met or incorrect attachment patterns are attempted, disconnection may occur. You and your partner or spouse may attempt to attach and express your need to attach in different ways leading to power struggles, miscommunication, co-dependent behavior and conflict. You may begin to wonder if this person is the same person you fell in love with at the beginning of your relationship or if you are the one being unreasonable. You may begin to wonder if this relationship is a good fit for you. Constant power struggles can lead to confusion, anger, resentment, fear of being alone, a pursue-withdraw dynamic and feelings of depression and anxiety. Communication and connection may come to a screeching halt. Eventually you may feel like you and your partner are rather disconnected and leading parallel lives. You may even feel like you are on the outside looking in, or a passive observer in your relationship.
Every Couple Faces Challenges
There is an old saying, “One thing is for sure – things are going to change.” Change is something that can’t be avoided and change can be difficult for couples to navigate. Change due to life stressors, developmental tasks, and other issues can produce stress, depression, anxiety and other symptoms which can cause a couple to become disconnected leading to conflict and poor communication. Such couples may be in need of couples therapy.
Societal changes in gender roles have caused priorities and expectations in relationships to change. By the end of the 20th century women in committed relationships emotional security being much higher on their list of the expectations than their predecessors.Many couples report experiencing problems facing their problems and needs with their family, friends and even with each other. Breaches of trust including infidelity or decreased libido leading to a lack of sexual union can a lack of trust and poor communication leaving partners feeling like they are living parallel lives rather than a life united with one another. As time passes, one or both partners may allow work, leisure time or relationships with other people to overshadow their marriage and their commitment to one another and keeping their relationship healthy. In some cases, the disconnection between partners can cause couples to consider and even follow through with divorce.
There is a level of vulnerability in marriage and couples relationships that you may not recall experiencing for. The encouraging news, however, is that with the help of a compassionate and experienced couples therapist you can get back to feeling connected and satisfied in your relationship or marriage.
Couples Therapy Can Help You Feel More Connected With Your Spouse or Partner
All couples go through challenges and the marriage and family therapists and couples counselors at Ascension Counseling have dealt with the issues that many couples face both personally and professionally. Our clinicians have been specially trained to work with couples as Marriage and Family Therapists as well as through pastoral counseling with couples. We combine our clinical training with hope, dignity, respect and cultural competency.
In our sessions, we’ll address each individual ‘s needs, expectations, and desire to connect. When you work with a couples therapist or counselor who does their best to understand and balance the expectations and perceptions of both you and your spouse or partner, it becomes easier to identify and work through the cause behind your relationship issues – a lack of connection. We use both strengths-based and attachment-based approaches to aid you in finding those areas of your relationship that are already strong and those that need help being strengthened in order to aid the couple in reconnecting. This allows us to help couples get to where they want to be. It is important to remember and be grateful for the good and satisfying parts of your partner and of your relationship – especially when you are experiencing tough moments.
You may at times wonder where things went wrong and what happened to the spouse or partner you first fell in love with. The naked truth is that neither of you is the person you used to be as people are constantly changing. As you each face life stressors personally, professionally and within your family thoughts, feelings and behaviors compound and are complicated by acute and developmental trauma. Couples therapy and counseling with the therapists and counselors at Ascension Counseling & Therapy Services can aid you in gaining insight into yourself and your spouse or partner that may be causing you to feel disconnected from each other.
It is crucial that you believe and have faith that you and your spouse or partner can grow and evolve in your relationship. When both members of a couple are committed to finding a solution to disconnection the results can be amazing and bring joy and peace to each other. That is why our hopeful, respectful and kind therapists incorporate attachment-based techniques, family of origin techniques, trauma-oriented techniques and behavioral techniques to aid couples in reconnecting. When you learn to reframe your partners complaints as a desire to properly connect with you and learn to express your need and desire to connect with your spouse or partner as well – you can develop a healthier attachment and deeper love with your spouse or partner.